Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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