SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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