For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
