you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
