okay pat passed out under dana's car
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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