there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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