She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize