if i died would you start the facebook group?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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