Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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