Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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