Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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