I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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