Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
