Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
