I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
