just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
