First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
