I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
