Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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