I only kidnapped one of them. chill
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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