i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
