OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
