Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
