I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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