just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He has the fingertips of a God
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
