I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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