Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
