Dual....:-)
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize