i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
