1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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