A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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