No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
