Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
