Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Drunk is a universal language darling
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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