Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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