Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
