She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Send help, water and tortillas.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
