If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
