I'm jealous of your bromance
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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