Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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