This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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