no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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