i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
