i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
