it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
