Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
