I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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