I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
