I got chris browned last night
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
