we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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