Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize