mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize