so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
