You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
