I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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