So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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