I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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