There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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