My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
