with your own penis?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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