my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just pee around me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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