Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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