Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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