You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
