I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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