Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize