i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
