Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This is my gift to your gina
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
