I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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