I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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