as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
