the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
