youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize