Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
