he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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