i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
