we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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