I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
