and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
