This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
